Blood On My Blade
by Kali Ravel
Summary: A collection of fragments from Kratos' memory of his time with Anna and her death.
1. The Angelus Project

_A collection of four disjointed fragments from Kratos' memory. I may write more and link them together later. However, since the plot is not original, I see no point in filling in the bits I don't have a unique take on._

_Disclaimer - I do not own Tales Of Symphonia._

**Blood On My Blade**

**The Angelus Project**

The first time I saw her, I was in my office in Welgaia, the home of the angels.

I was working on something to do with the desians, some plan for them – I don't recall exactly what. My door was open and I heard them as they walked past. A few angels. I looked out – nothing interesting or new ever happens here. And it was then that I saw her for the first time.

Anna.

I didn't know her name then, of course. I knew nothing about her. She refused to look at me. I would have believed it was simple shyness but for the determined lift to her jaw.

I did not speak to her as she walked past, and I ensured none of my emotion strayed to my face. Working with Mithos – Lord Yggdrasil – all these years has taught me nothing if not that.

Later, however, I asked another of the Angels about her. He told me flatly that she was a human, brought here to see if she was a suitable candidate for the angelus project.

That was when it all started.


	2. Fears of Mortality

**Fears Of Mortality**

We were sitting by a seashore, in Tethe'alla, close to the hidden village of Mizuho. We had run through Gaoracchia forest, I defending Anna with my sword. She could well have fought for herself, despite the exhaustion, her condition, and her humanity, but I was proud to take care of her.

Anna sat staring into the ocean. I was fishing, trying to catch something for her to eat. I, of course, didn't need to eat, but I worried for her health. I had given up asking her to consider becoming an angel by now. Every time she refused I was reminded of her mortality, as was she. I could see the fear in my eyes reflected in hers. One day, I will be without her, with perhaps another four thousand years ahead of me to grieve and remember. Still her pregnancy is a cause for hope. Our child, hers and mine. Often, when I hold her, I feel that I want us to merge together, to be one. I don't want to be two separate people, with these awkward barriers of skin and flesh. I want to be a part of her, her to be a part of me, to merge mind and blood and bone and sinew and soul…This child…in its genes, it's soul, we will be together forever, Anna and I, both of us as close as any two can be.

You can understand why I worried. Human beings are so fragile, so tiny…the universe is so old, and yet is still an infant. My long life, hundreds of times longer than it should have been is barely a blink on that scale. A human lives for but a microsecond and then they die.

Some men dream of immortality, to be remembered. What is immortality? Immortality amongst men is nowt, for the entire existence of man is but a fingersnap to the great demon that is time. To be remembered by men is not immortality. To be remembered by a dying race? One day they will be gone. Elves too. Unicorns and summon spirits…even Noishe the protozoan, the first creature, one day he will be gone. Anna will die. Our child will die. If we have grandchildren, they will die. And their children, and theirs, and theirs…when I look to the future all I see is the death of people I love. And then, at the end of the world, my own death. Until all that will be left is Martel, perhaps, trapped within the great seed.

I can feel the years weighing down, heavy upon me. I heard a story once. It belonged to the religion before Cruxis. Two people, the first created were in a garden. A wonderful garden, a paradise. And the creator told them they could choose to live forever in the garden, in wonderful contentment. Or, they could eat of the fruit of one of the two sacred trees in the garden. The tree of happiness or the tree of knowledge.

It is said, or at least, I believe it is so, that one person chose to eat the fruit of the tree of happiness. He was Adam, the father of all. He chose a short life, with much pain and suffering. In return, he gained happiness.

The other human ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge. She was Eve, the mother of all. She chose a longer life, though, perhaps not as interesting as his.

Adam was the first human. Humans live short lives, but they are the inventors, the creators, the dreamers. They love more than elves, they are the one's capable of feeling such love as mine for Anna.

Eve was the first elf. Elves live long lives, but they move slowly. They are wise and knowledgeable. They are the one's capable of taking a human idea and perfecting it, over lifetimes.

I have never thought of this before but now I wonder – why did neither of them choose immortality? Perhaps…perhaps they decided they would rather have pain and short lives, and maybe even have some of their number never really live at all…perhaps they knew they would rather face anything at all than be immortal. Perhaps even before they ate of the fruit they had more knowledge and wisdom than I.

I sigh and stare ahead, locked in my own thoughts.


	3. Fears of Immortality

**Fears Of Immortality**

I notice that Anna has been silent for a time, and I ask her "What's wrong?"

She jumps, as if I have startled her.

"Oh! I was…just thinking,"

"You've been silent for so long…"

She smiles. "So have you, Kratos. What were you thinking about?"

I tell her the story. When I have finished, she nods thoughtfully.

"So, humans and elves come from the same source?"

"I…I suppose so…"

"Hmmm,"

"What?"

"Well, I haven't really got my thoughts in order, but…I was thinking of the effect of immortality on the human brain. Humans aren't designed to live for so long. I imagine it would be rather like insomnia. You know, when you can't sleep and the same thoughts keep going round and round in your mind, driving you slowly crazy…"

"Are you calling me crazy?" I ask, reaching over and hugging her, kissing her.

She laughs, kissing me back. "Of course not. I guess you're pretty strong-minded. But, you know…"

"What?"

"Elves. They live for so long, and they don't go crazy. But they move slower and are calmer. That would explain it. Human beings are always rushing around, and they seem to…to feel things so much more. I wonder if that's why? I mean, even you, you move slowly, think slowly, act slowly…that makes sense considering. I think if you move slowly, are more stoic…eternity doesn't hurt so much,"

"So…what? Most humans will go crazy if they're immortal?"

"Yes…I think so,"

"What about half-elves?"

"Well…I suppose it depends what you inherit. Some half elves act more like elves, knowledgeable but slow. Others…they act like humans. But they all have the same long life. So long with only the same people around you, the same thing over and over…we only met because you were bored, right?"

"That's true,"

"So…Lord Yggdrasil…I think he has a human mind. That's why he's become so obsessed with one idea, reviving Martel. It's a long idea, you know? I mean it's taking so long…there's nothing else he can do with his long life. Anything else could be done equally well by anyone else in a normal lifespan,"

"You think Mithos is crazy?"

"Don't you?"

"Yes, I suppose I do,"

She shrugs. "I think he could have coped with his natural life span, long as it is. But immortality…"

"It's frightening,"

She half turns in my arms, looking up at me. "So's mortality,"

"Which is worse? In your opinion,"

She thinks for a moment, looking away. "Immortality," she says eventually. "That's why neither chose it. That's why immortality wasn't considered a reward,"

I don't answer. I kiss the top of her head, and she leans back against me, her eyes slowly closing. She falls asleep, but I stay awake all night, watching the moon move across the sky and I am reminded of her remark on insomnia. I haven't slept in four thousand years.

Perhaps I am crazy.


	4. The End

**The End**

I don't know how long I stood there simply staring at the ground. After a time I heard footsteps walk up behind me.

"She was just a human, Kratos," says the voice. It's Mithos. No. Not Mithos. Lord Yggdrasil.

"So am I," I remind him.

"No," he says. "You're an angel. You're not human,"

I look down at the blood on my blade.

"No," I say finally. "I guess I'm not,"

I turn and follow him. What more is there? Still I turn back, just once. A final pang of pain pierces my heart as I think of my son, my wife…both dead at my hands. Before I harden my heart once more I whisper;

"Perhaps I never was,"


End file.
